Coping Strategy #15: Secret To Saying No

Ever feel like you’re stuck in “Yes Man” mode? Sometimes we say yes so often that we begin to lose sight of our own time, energy and peace of mind. In this episode, I dive into why so many of us with dyslexia find ourselves automatically agreeing to every request that comes our way.

We explore three key reasons behind our impulse to say yes: fear of missing out, people-pleasing habits and a dash of self-doubt. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by your own willingness to do anything for anyone, you’re not alone.

Why We Struggle With Saying No

Many people with dyslexia remember feeling judged, misunderstood or overlooked at some point. That sense of not wanting to miss opportunities can be strong. Sometimes it feels better to sign up for everything instead of risking being left out.

And let’s be honest, dyslexia can make communication tricky. We often want to overcompensate by being extra helpful. We’re the “yes, sure, I can do that” person. Yet this can lead to stress and burnout down the line.

Common Triggers That Drive Us to Say Yes

It usually starts with simple requests. Someone needs a hand, or we see a task that “someone” should do. We look around, and we step in. But we might not notice how it affects our time. Here are a few triggers you might relate to:

• Trying to prove we’re competent
• Not wanting to let people down
• Feeling guilty or “lazy” if we say no
• Not realising the limits of our mental energy

You’re not wrong. It feels good to help. Yet we also need healthy boundaries.

Getting To the Root Causes

In the episode, I mention three main root causes. One is the old friend “fear of missing out.” Another is the feeling that we’ve got to prove we’re just as capable as everyone else. Then there’s a touch of self-doubt layered with the lingering idea that we should be grateful for every chance.

“Most of my life, I believed saying no was a sign of weakness, but it was actually the missing piece to preserving my mental space.”

Here’s the good news: once you understand why you’re driven to agree all the time, you can spot those moments as they happen. That little awareness can be a game-changer. It’s like realising you’re on autopilot and suddenly taking the controls back.

Practical Tips for Building a Healthy “No”

Before you say yes, do a quick mental check. Ask yourself, “Do I have the bandwidth for this?” or “Am I taking this on purely to please someone?” Pause. It might feel strange at first, but it gets easier with each try.

Start practising with smaller no’s. If a friend wants a favour that you genuinely can’t offer, be polite but firm. Something like, “I’d love to help, but this week’s swamped.” Replace some of those reflexive yeses with honest answers.

Here’s a short list of ways to flex your “no” muscle without feeling guilty:

• Acknowledge the request and the person’s situation (“I see how important this is to you.”)
• Give a brief, genuine reason (“My schedule is full. I need time to recharge.”)
• Offer an alternative if possible (“Could we push this to next week?”)
• Remember it’s not selfish. You can’t help others if you’re burnt out.

Staying Balanced Without Sucking the Fun Out of Life

Nobody wants to say no all the time. We still want to say yes to fun things, new opportunities and moments that light us up. The trick is learning to choose those yeses wisely. Notice which commitments bring you joy versus those that leave you drained.

A bit of trial and error is inevitable. Some yeses will still blow up in your face, and that’s alright. Each experience helps you refine your boundaries. Over time, you’ll find your sweet spot between helpful and over-extended.

• Identify prompts: Notice where your reflexive yes comes from.
• Check your calendar: Make sure new tasks don’t clash with personal downtime.
• Practise small no’s: Build confidence in turning people down gently.
• Nurture yourself: Reserve time for rest, reflection and fun.

If you’re ready to hear the full story, the podcast player is right at the top of the page. I dive deeper into the three main reasons we say yes too often, plus how to break the cycle and start saying no without guilt or fear.

Hit play on the episode for more details, real-life examples and a few laughs along the way. You’ll discover fresh insights on reclaiming your day and protecting your mental energy. Enjoy listening, and I hope the ideas spark positive change in your life.