Problem Solvers, Not Solution Takers

Do you sometimes cringe when someone tries to “help” you without you asking? At the same time, do you spot yourself offering advice to friends and family who clearly didn’t ask for it? This episode dives into why many dyslexics live in this frustrating paradox.

We explore how unsolicited advice triggers all sorts of negative emotions, and why we feel compelled to solve other people’s problems. By the end, you’ll see how this pattern forms, and you’ll have a few tips to break the cycle — or at least notice it before it unfolds.

The Challenge of Unsolicited Advice

We’ve all felt that knot in our stomach when people jump in with opinions that we never solicited. Dyslexics often deal with sensitive self-esteem and heightened emotional responses, making this tactless “guidance” tough to shrug off. It’s not just about pride; it’s that sense of being judged, especially when we’ve fought for validation in our lives.

Though it’s easy to feel defensive, it’s also normal. We want to be accepted for our unique minds, and unsolicited advice can feel like someone implying there’s something “broken” that needs fixing. That simple moment can unleash old feelings of not being good enough or not being understood.

Why Dyslexics Are More Prone

Dyslexia isn’t just about spelling struggles. It often links to a whirlwind of creative thinking, emotional intensity, and a certain radar for reading the energy in a room. This sensitivity can make well-meant advice feel like personal criticism.

At the same time, we might spot a quick fix for someone else’s problem before they even see it themselves. Our creative, 3D-thinking brains love to leap in and offer solutions. It might come from empathy or from frustration when we see a simpler way. What we don’t realise is that our helpful suggestions can come across as interfering.

“We get frustrated when someone tries to ‘help’ us, yet we can’t help advising others. It’s a cycle that feeds into our sense of being misunderstood.” — Stephen Martin

When We Offer Advice to Others

It’s one thing to roll your eyes at unsolicited advice, but it’s another when you catch yourself doing the exact same thing. This back-and-forth can feel hypocritical, yet it’s completely normal. Dyslexics often swing between craving independence and craving connection.

Sometimes we share advice because we want to bond or be useful. Other times, we can’t bear to watch people struggle when there’s a shortcut. Yet we know how annoying it is to have people barge into our lives. This tug of war between independence and helpfulness can leave us perplexed.

Three common reasons we jump in:

• We see patterns that others miss, and it feels natural to point them out.
• We want to help people avoid mistakes that made us feel small or judged.
• We’re excited about our own discoveries and assume others will be too.

Breaking the Cycle

The first step to change is noticing when it happens. When we observe our knee-jerk reaction, we can pause and ask ourselves: “Is this person ready for my input?” If they’re not, we can step back, no harm done. If they are, we can find a gentler way to offer support.

On the flip side, if someone’s advice feels like a personal attack, remember it’s usually about them and their experiences. They might be trying to help, or they might just not know how to read the moment. Instead of shutting them down mid-sentence, consider saying, “Thanks, I appreciate your concern, but I’m not looking for advice right now.” That short response can end the conversation without turning it into a spat.

As dyslexics, we want people to recognise and value our differences. The best way to encourage that is by showing a bit of kindness and gentleness with others. We don’t have to welcome every opinion, but we can be mindful of how we respond.

Seeking Authentic Communication

Ultimately, this is about setting boundaries and communicating clearly. When you notice yourself dishing out advice, consider asking, “Do you want some thoughts on that?” Or wait until the person specifically asks for help. It’s surprising how much better it feels when the other person invites your input.

We can also avoid falling into shame when someone offers us solutions that rub us the wrong way. Phrases like “I hear where you’re coming from, but let me work through this in my own way,” can dismantle tension. It’s more about respect than stamping down advice entirely.

Here’s the truth: we all live in our own heads. Sometimes we want guidance, and other times we long to figure stuff out ourselves. Understanding that balance, especially as dyslexics, is a lifelong process of awareness.

• Notice the emotional trigger when advice comes your way.
• Pause before you offer a solution. Ask questions first.
• Set boundaries: “I’m not ready for advice right now.”
• Practise patience with yourself and others.

Key Takeaways

• Dyslexics often feel extra sensitive to well-meaning but unsolicited advice.
• We can be quick to offer our own fixes because we see patterns others may miss.
• Balancing independence and helpfulness is tricky but not impossible.
• Setting boundaries and asking for permission can prevent friction.

Curious to dive deeper? If you’d like to hear more about why dyslexics juggle these contradictory urges — and how you can navigate them — be sure to tune in to the full episode. You’ll find the podcast player at the top of this page, where you can listen and discover a few more insights about living with dyslexia.