Requests Vs Demands

Have you ever caught yourself feeling almost paralysed by what someone wants from you? We often sense when another person is making a demand. Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes it’s hidden behind polite words. In my latest episode of the Truth About Dyslexia podcast, I dive into what separates a request from a demand and how it can set off all kinds of stress when you’re dyslexic.

A request isn’t always a simple “Could you...?” It can carry more weight than we realise, especially if we already struggle with anxiety or low self-esteem. Demands can feel like orders. This can trigger the fight, flight, or freeze response, which doesn’t help anyone. In this episode, I chat about handling these dynamics in everyday life, sharing how small shifts can protect your energy and self-confidence.

Understanding Requests and Demands

A request feels like a gentle ask. It’s open-ended and allows you to say no if you can’t help right now. A demand sounds urgent. It’s full of pressure and often leaves no room for a genuine “no.”

For dyslexic minds that are already overwhelmed, a demand can be the tipping point. It can result in a mental shutdown. You might overthink the request, or get stuck on a single phrase like “You must do this.” That single phrase can hang in your head for days.

When Stephen shared this on the podcast, he said something that really hit home:

“So often, we think we’re just people-pleasing, but we’re really reacting to a subtle demand that’s pushed us into fight-or-freeze mode.”

Why This Matters for Dyslexics

Those of us with dyslexia already deal with an overactive mind. We worry about making mistakes. We may constantly read between the lines, trying to spot hidden meanings. When life bombards us with demands, we often freeze.

In a simple example, think about a boss who says, “I need you to finish this right now.” If you’re not sure how to do it, or if you weren’t expecting to handle it so soon, you’re suddenly in a mental battle. Are you allowed to say no? Do you have the skills or time for it? It can easily spiral if you don’t recognise that this is a demand rather than a genuine request.

Making Small Shifts Daily

Not everyone will adjust their language for you, so learning how to spot these differences is crucial. You might not even need to confront the other person. Instead, you can stop, take a breath, and ask yourself:

• Is this truly urgent or necessary?
• Do I have the resources or time to do it?
• Can I set boundaries if needed?

These questions allow you to process the ask without blindly saying yes, which helps you stay grounded. Over time you’ll spot the demands quicker. You’ll be able to redirect your energy toward what’s manageable for you.

Reframing How You Communicate

When you make requests, be clear. Let people know you respect their time. Sometimes I’ll say, “I understand if you’re busy, is this something you can help with?” This makes it a real invitation, not a demand. If someone is short on time, you’ll learn quickly, without tension.

On the flip side, if you catch yourself about to demand something, pause. Ask if you’d like to trade places with the person you’re speaking to. This mindset shift can improve how you connect with colleagues, friends, or family.

Building More Confidence and Ease

Being dyslexic doesn’t make you less capable. It might mean you experience deeper stress when put on the spot. Realising when people ask or demand your help gives you a chance to respond in a way that suits your mind and energy levels.

Over time, you’ll spot this pattern in others, too. You’ll hear the difference in someone’s tone when they make a demand. Instead of feeling powerless, you’ll have the tools to manage that conversation. You’ll decide if you have room to help, or if you need to set a polite boundary. Little by little, you take back your power, rather than feeling like you need to please everyone.

• Requests allow a genuine yes or no.
• Demands often lead to extra stress or guilt.
• Spotting the difference builds confidence.
• Boundary-setting is key when you feel overwhelmed.
• Small shifts in wording can bring big results.

If you want to hear more about handling demands, feeling less guilt, and improving how you ask others for help, check out the full podcast episode. It’s full of personal stories, tips, and funny moments that can help lighten the load of everyday life.