Why Is It So Hard To Accept Compliments?

If you’ve ever squirmed when someone said, “That was brilliant, you’re so clever,” this episode is for you. Vanessa steps in as host for the first time, while Stephen rests his voice, to explore why compliments can make people with dyslexia feel exposed or even uncomfortable.

Our conversation begins with Vanessa’s personal experiences receiving well-meant praise, and how dyslexic minds often interpret it. She maps out why we can end up deflecting kind words, brain-racing to figure out if they’re genuine or if there’s a hidden catch. If you’ve been there, you’ll find plenty to relate to in this podcast.

Why Compliments Feel So Uncomfortable

Dyslexia can amplify moments that feel unexpected or vulnerable. Compliments often fall into that category. People say them at random times, which can throw us off balance. Our natural reaction might be to shrug it off or make a self-deprecating joke.

Vanessa suggests this could be linked to our early experiences of being misunderstood. Sometimes, a compliment seems like it clashes with negative self-talk that’s lodged in our heads. So, even when we like hearing nice things, we’re never quite sure how to take them.

She points out that overthinking is often a dyslexic’s secret strength, but it also fuels hesitation in accepting good feedback. We might read into each word, wondering if people might be patronising us, or if our accomplishment was accidental.

Vanessa in the Host’s Chair

This episode marks Vanessa’s debut as the main host, featuring her relaxed style and genuine warmth. Stephen’s voice is on forced holiday, so he’s cheerleading in the background. With Vanessa piloting the conversation, she dives into her own compliment stories.

“I never realised how much a single compliment could unravel my sense of self,” she admits in the episode. “It’s so strange to want approval, but fear it at the same time.”

She recalls a time a friend said she was ‘really organised’, and it felt completely wrong because Vanessa had always told herself she was scatterbrained. That mismatch made her question whether her friend was just being kind. Turns out, the friend was amazed at Vanessa’s unique method of sorting tasks. It was simply different, not disorganised.

The Link to Self-Esteem

Our self-esteem is often shaped by how we’ve been treated or perceived. Dyslexics may have vivid memories of being told they were doing something the ‘wrong’ way, even though it still got a good result. Compliments can clash with these older memories, leaving us unsure of our own talents.

This confusion can build an inner voice that says, “They must be exaggerating,” or “I don’t deserve that.” Those thoughts run rampant in our heads, amplifying the awkwardness.

• We question the person’s motives.
• We recall past criticisms that contradict praise.
• We focus on small mistakes we made, ignoring the overall success.

All of these can hold us back from simply smiling and saying, “Thank you.”

Turning Compliments into Confidence

Vanessa talks about ways she’s learning to process compliments without feeling like a fraud. She found that sharing her feelings of uncertainty with close friends helps them understand why she might look uncomfortable when they say something nice.

Instead of deflecting, she tries a new approach. She repeats the compliment in her head, takes a breath and says, “Thank you.” It might feel weird at first, but with practice, it can become more natural.

1. Hear the compliment properly, don’t brush it off.
2. Pause before reacting so you have a moment to reflect.
3. Respond with gratitude, even if you’re unsure how you feel.
4. Remind yourself you deserve to hear positive feedback.

It’s not about arrogance. It’s about accepting that we can do great things. We can see our own brilliance, flaws and all.

5 Takeaways

• Dyslexics may struggle with compliments because of past misunderstandings.
• We sometimes overthink praise, searching for hidden meanings.
• Accepting compliments can boost self-esteem, once we trust their intent.
• Talking openly about discomfort can help friends and family give better feedback.
• Practising a positive response (“Thank you”) can reduce awkward feelings over time.

Ready to dive deeper into Vanessa’s first hosting experience and discover more insights on embracing compliments? Tune in above to the full episode and join the conversation. Let’s keep renewing our sense of worth, one compliment at a time.