Emotional Object Permanence: Does ADHD & Dyslexia Impact it?

Ever feel like if something (or someone) isn't right in front of you, your brain just… forgets they exist?

Not in a cruel way — more in a "my brain deleted the tab as soon as I clicked away" kind of way.

That, my friend, is what’s known as emotional object permanence — and yes, ADHD and dyslexia can mess with it big time.

I did a podcast on this that is a good listen here:

What is Emotional Object Permanence?

Let’s break it down:

• Object permanence = understanding that something still exists even when it’s out of sight.

• Emotional permanence = believing someone still cares about you even when they’re not actively showing it.
  Now mash those together and you get the double-whammy known as emotional object permanence — a fancy term for why you might:

• Feel abandoned if someone doesn’t text back.

• Forget how much you care about something until it’s right in front of you again.

• Constantly second-guess relationships and commitments.

This isn’t just emotional drama. It’s neurology. And if you’ve got ADHD or dyslexia (or both), chances are, this hits close to home.

Does ADHD Affect Emotional Object Permanence?

Absolutely. ADHD brains are built to scan for what’s urgent, stimulating, and right now.
If it’s not visible or emotionally loud, the ADHD brain often loses the thread.

That means:

• Out of sight = out of mind.

• No recent affection = “Do they still like me?”

• Missed feedback = total confidence crash.

You’re not being needy. You’re being neurologically honest.

ADHD affects working memory and emotional regulation — both of which are essential for emotional object permanence. So yes, ADHD makes this tougher.

But What About Dyslexia?

Here’s where it gets interesting.

Dyslexia is often seen as just a reading or spelling issue, but it’s much more. Many dyslexics struggle with:

• Short-term memory lapses

• Emotional overwhelm or underwhelm

• Difficulty processing abstract emotional language

Dyslexic brains also tend to process in pictures, not sequences. So if someone’s not present in your “mental picture,” they might fall off the grid emotionally.

And let’s not forget — over 40% of people with dyslexia also have ADHD. So the impact stacks.

What It Feels Like (If You Know, You Know)

• You miss a friend deeply… but forget to message them.

• Your partner goes quiet and your brain spirals: Did I do something wrong? Are we okay?

• You feel fired up about a goal, only to forget it exists the next day.

• People think you’re inconsistent or flaky — but the truth is, your brain just resets the minute something’s not in view.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. This is the lived experience of thousands with ADHD and dyslexia — including me.

How To Work With Your Brain

Here are five real-world ways to handle emotional object permanence when you’re wired differently:

1. Make the Invisible… Visible

Use whiteboards, sticky notes, text reminders. If it’s not in your line of sight, it doesn’t exist to your brain. Accept that — and hack it.

2. Create Emotional Anchors

Have photos or keepsakes that reconnect you emotionally. Use voice notes or saved texts to remind yourself “Yes, they do love you.”

3. Ask for Reassurance — Without Shame

It’s okay to say, “Hey, I just need a quick ‘we’re good’ check-in.” Neurotypical folks might not get it, but the right ones will learn.

4. Name the Pattern

When you feel a spiral coming on, pause and ask: Is this real… or is my emotional object permanence glitching again?

5. Therapy & Meds Can Help

Vyvanse, Ritalin, and other ADHD meds won’t fix this completely, but they can help you stay more emotionally balanced. Pair that with therapy or coaching and you're golden.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken

The world wasn’t built for neurodiverse minds. But that doesn’t mean your mind is broken.

Understanding emotional object permanence — and how ADHD and dyslexia impact it — is step one in building better systems, relationships, and self-talk.

This isn’t about fixing you. It’s about understanding you.
And once you know what your brain’s doing, you can finally stop calling yourself “too emotional” or “too forgetful” and start saying:

“Ahh, that’s just how I’m wired. Time to work with it.”

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