Fighting With Your Partner

Arguments can feel overwhelming when you're dyslexic. You might overthink everything, question your own logic, and miss important cues. In this episode, I share a personal fight I had with my wife to help illustrate why these moments happen and what we can do about them.

This conversation highlights how we can lose sight of what the other person is actually saying. We fall into old patterns or shut down instead of finding real solutions. If you've ever felt trapped in your head during a disagreement, I hope my story provides a sense of connection and a practical way forward.

Stepping into the Argument

My fight with my wife started in a blink. One minute we were chatting about our day, and the next, we were in an uncomfortable standoff. I felt like she was criticising me, but part of me knew I was just being defensive. It’s that classic dyslexic trait of going straight to worst-case scenarios once conflict arises.

I began to freeze because my internal monologue was screaming a million things at once. That’s often the true challenge for those of us with dyslexia: an overload of thoughts that arrive all at once, making it hard to see what’s really true. In my mind, I was the victim. In reality, I just hadn’t listened carefully.

“When my wife tried to explain her view, I was so stuck in my own head that I didn’t even notice my part in the conflict.”

Recognising Our Part

The biggest eye-opener was realising I wasn’t fully acknowledging my role. We like to think it’s all happening to us, yet often we’re part of what’s happening. I had to step back and ask myself a few questions:

• Am I missing her key points by focusing on one tiny detail?
• Have I made brand-new assumptions that don’t match reality?
• Do I want to be right, or do I want to understand?

Once I started questioning my perspective, I realised how my own worries drove me to misread what was being said. It became clear that I was part of the problem, and I actually had the power to fix it.

Overthinking: Both Gift and Curse

Overthinking is a hallmark of dyslexia. A small comment can blow up in our minds until we’re convinced everyone is out to get us. We might dwell on a single phrase or read into a tone of voice that wasn’t even intended. On the flip side, that same overthinking can lead to deep empathy once we get out of our own heads.

When I paused to consider my wife’s point of view, I was able to empathise with how frustrated she felt trying to communicate with me. My dyslexic mind, while busy, could also border on visionary. I could imagine the conversation from her side and see the emotional fallout that came from my closed-off responses.

Tools for Calmer Conversations

You might wonder, how do we correct course when heated moments arise? Here are a few ideas I’ve found valuable:

1. Pause before responding. Take a breath and see if you’re reacting or responding.
2. Rephrase what you heard. Let the other person know you’re listening by reflecting their words.
3. Check your assumptions. Ask questions if you’re unsure, rather than guessing intentions.
4. Apologise quickly and genuinely. If you spot your mistake, own it and move forward.

These suggestions encourage you to keep your brain grounded. Often, we let our thoughts race at high speed when we need them to calm down. It’s about slowing the process enough to make sense of the situation.

Moving Forward and Mending Fences

When the storm settled, I realised how much energy I’d spent clinging to a false narrative. Letting go of that story felt liberating. I apologised to my wife, she shared how I made her feel, and we agreed on a way to handle similar disagreements in the future.

The truth is, dyslexia isn’t just about reading or spelling. It affects how we process emotions in real time. You might have to work a bit harder to stay calm, but once you recognise that pattern in yourself, you can break it. The aim is not perfection. It’s about building a conversation style that helps you and your loved ones feel heard.

• Slow down your thoughts before you speak.
• Be open to admitting your own mistakes.
• Use empathy to see beyond your first impression.
• Remember your focus: finding solutions rather than proving points.

If you want to hear the complete story, including how I stumbled through my own triggers, listen to the full episode. The audio player for the podcast is at the top of this page. Feel free to share your own experiences—it’s always helpful to know we’re not alone.