Go From Selfish To Self Love/ A Lesson For All Neurodivergent Thinkers

Have you ever felt guilty for putting yourself first? Or wondered if self-love is just a fancy way of saying you’re being selfish? In this episode, Stephen Martin takes a deep dive into why self-love matters, especially if you’re neurodivergent or juggling ADHD and dyslexia. He explores how external validation and the drive to compare ourselves with others can quietly erode our confidence.

In a nutshell, Stephen highlights how recognising these patterns helps us shift from beating ourselves up to actively practising self-love. He also offers tips for spotting when you’re doing something for your own benefit versus for external approval. The episode reminds us that it’s perfectly OK to prioritise your needs without harming anyone else.

Understanding Self-Love vs. Selfishness

One big misconception is equating self-love with selfishness. Self-love is about being your own advocate. It’s ensuring you’ve got the bandwidth and energy to show up for others too. When you look after yourself, you’re not stealing time or care from loved ones—you’re actually recharging your own batteries, so you can be more present.

“Self-love isn’t about shutting others out. It’s about making room for yourself so you can be the best version of you.” — Stephen Martin

Most of us realise this in theory, but doing it is another story. Especially if you’ve been told your needs don’t matter as much as everyone else’s. Spreading yourself too thin leads to burnout, and that isn’t helpful for anyone.

The Struggle With External Validation

People with ADHD or dyslexia often grow up feeling they need approval from teachers, friends, or family. It becomes a habit to seek that nod from others before deciding anything. Over time, that can chip away at self-worth, leaving you asking: am I good enough?

When you start comparing yourself to classmates, colleagues, or even strangers on social media, it’s easy to feel behind. But comparisons rarely show the true picture. The key is realising your journey and challenges are unique, and measuring your self-worth against someone else’s highlight reel is never going to serve you well.

The Power of Mindfulness and Reflection

Meditation is one tool Stephen suggests for quieting the noise of external expectations. Even a few moments each day can help you tune out the world and check in with yourself. You might be surprised how much calmer you feel when you permit yourself to pause and breathe.

Self-reflection doesn’t have to be grand or complicated. It could be journaling for a few minutes in the morning, or just noticing if you’re doing something because you want to, not because you think you should want to. This clarity can prevent unnecessary stress and help you make decisions rooted in genuine self-love.

Embracing Balance: Putting Yourself First

True self-love is about balancing your needs with the needs of those around you. You can still care for your family, friends, and coworkers while making sure you’re not neglecting your own wellbeing.

If you catch yourself thinking, “I shouldn’t do this for me,” ask if you’d give the same advice to someone you love. When you put yourself first, you model what respect and health look like to the people around you.

Understanding where you’re at and what you need can lead to a life that feels less like a constant game of catch-up. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about prioritising your own mental space, so your unique talents and passions can shine through.

Key Takeaways

• Self-love is not selfishness; it’s healthy prioritisation.
• Neurodivergent people often seek external validation for reassurance.
• Comparisons block personal growth and feed self-doubt.
• Meditation helps clarify what you honestly want.
• Regular reflection prevents burnout and frustration.
• Know the difference between what you want and what you think you should want.
• Putting yourself first allows you to care for others more effectively.

If you’re ready to hear more about how to cultivate deeper self-love and live more authentically, listen to the full episode at the top of this page. You’ll find practical insights you can start using today.

You can also join our community at rightbrainresetters.com and get 20% off your first order at addednutrition.com. For more resources, head over to truthaboutdyslexia.com. We also have a friendly Facebook group if you’d like extra support along the way.

Thanks for stopping by. Your journey matters, and it’s worth giving yourself the love you deserve.