Mimicking - Staying Safe

Have you ever found yourself matching someone’s tone or body language without even trying? That’s the kind of thing we explore in today’s podcast. We’re talking about mimicking, or mirroring, which some people use on purpose to build rapport. For many of us with dyslexia or ADHD, it’s something we’ve done unconsciously for years.

This episode dives into why mimicking can be a powerful tool for connections, and why it can also leave you wondering if what you do is really you. Stephen digs into his own experiences with mirroring, sharing the ups, downs, and how being more aware can make a huge difference.

The Power of Mimicking

Mimicking is often taught in sales or relationship-building courses to help conversations flow. When you subtly mirror a person’s gestures or tone, they may feel more comfortable and open up faster. It’s like speaking someone’s language and showing them, “Hey, we’re in sync.” In many cases, it’s just good old human nature.

But Stephen notes that for dyslexics, it can become a default setting. You walk into a new job, a social event, or even just meet someone for coffee. Without thinking, you slip into the other person’s rhythm as a way to reduce social anxiety. It can be surprisingly helpful. People respond well when they sense familiarity. Mirroring can also help you try new things and learn fresh habits, especially if you’re open to seeing how others operate in the workplace or in relationships.

Yet, this short-term gain can have a long-term cost. You might start to wonder, “Is this really my personality, or someone else’s?” That confusion can be unsettling. It chips away at who you are at the core, especially if you’re not aware it’s happening.

The Dyslexia Connection

Dyslexia affects how we process information, which can change how we behave socially. Many of us grew up feeling different. Mimicking often develops as a coping mechanism to fit in, to mask our reading or writing struggles, or just to feel less anxious in new situations.

“As a kid, I didn’t know I was mimicking. I just thought I was picking up on other people’s energy to survive the classroom.”

That quote from Stephen hits home for me. It reminds us how children with dyslexia or ADHD find creative ways to adapt. Over time, we might keep using those ways even when they’re not actually helping. If you’re regularly mirroring someone else’s tone or interests, it can become second nature. You might do it at work, in friendships, or even with close family.

The plus side is that, when used intentionally, mirroring can make you a fantastic listener and observer. You know how to connect with people, which can lead to deeper relationships. The challenge is making sure it’s not your entire social strategy. If you’re always copying, where do you end and they begin?

Authenticity Under Threat

The biggest risk of constant mimicking is losing track of who you really are. People sometimes label you as a “people pleaser” or say you seem disconnected. It can feel like you’re living a double life if you sense there’s an authentic you hidden somewhere underneath.

Mimicking can also set up unrealistic expectations. If you’re mirroring a confident, super-social person during a night out, you might feel like you have to keep that level of energy around them forever. When you can’t maintain it, you worry they’ll wonder what’s changed. This creates stress and mental clutter.

We all crave genuine connection. Constant mirroring can cause relationships to feel off or even shallow. If you show a different side of yourself later, people might be confused, and you might feel guilty or misunderstood. It’s a cycle that can keep going unless you decide to break it.

Balancing Adaptation and Identity

So how do we strike a balance? Stephen suggests that awareness is your first step. Notice when you’re slipping into mirroring mode. Ask yourself, “Is this helping me connect in a good way, or am I hiding behind someone else’s style?” Reflecting in the moment can help you rein it in before it takes over.

It’s also helpful to embrace being adaptable. Mirroring has positive aspects, like letting you learn from others and more easily blend into new environments. But if you find you’re doing it all day, every day, it might be time to dial back. Give yourself permission to be different. That’s what makes you unique.

Give honest feedback to friends or coworkers you trust. Sometimes, they’ll notice you’re mirroring before you do. If a friend says, “Hey, is everything okay? You’re not usually this high-energy,” that’s a signal. Use it as an opportunity to take a step back and check in with how you’re feeling.

Growing Through Self-Awareness

For many dyslexics and ADHDers, personal growth starts by recognising patterns. It’s about spotting that unconscious behaviour and deciding if it still serves you. Mirroring itself isn’t bad, but doing it on autopilot can chip away at your confidence over time. You deserve to feel grounded in who you are.

Journaling can help you track moments when you’ve mirrored someone too much and note how it made you feel. If you don’t like journaling, think of quick voice notes or quick bullet points on your phone. Over time, look for recurring themes: certain people or places might trigger heavier mirroring. Ask yourself, “Do I want to keep doing that?”

Self-awareness also invites self-compassion. When you realise you’ve been using mirroring as a survival tool, it helps reduce any guilt for “faking” it. You were trying to cope, and that’s okay. Now that you see it, you can decide what to keep and what to let go.

• Notice when you’re copying words, gestures, or energies.
• Define situations where it helps and where it hurts.
• Experiment with simply being yourself, even if it feels awkward at first.

As you practise, you’ll create a healthier balance between fitting in and standing out. You’ll discover you can still enjoy connecting with others, without losing sight of your own identity.

Key Takeaways

• Mirroring can build confidence in social situations but can also hide your true self.
• Dyslexics may mirror more often to cope with social anxiety or communication issues.
• Self-awareness is the secret. Recognise it, decide if it serves you, and make changes if needed.
• Balancing adaptability with authenticity is an ongoing practice.
• You don’t have to throw out mirroring altogether, just use it with intention.

Want to hear the whole conversation? The podcast player is right at the top of the page. Tune in, and let Stephen walk you through his own struggles and breakthroughs with this fascinating behaviour. You’ll pick up tips to help you spot when you’re mirroring and decide if it's time to show the real you.

For more insights, visit truthaboutdyslexia.com, or join our supportive community on Facebook at facebook.com/groups/adultdyslexia. If you’re looking for extra understanding and tips on dyslexia and ADHD, our group is always happy to help you navigate this journey.