Setting Boundaries (And What They Actually Are)

Have you ever felt like everyone was walking all over you, but you had no idea how to make it stop? That was me before I discovered what boundaries really meant. Then I found out I wasn’t alone—lots of us with dyslexia and ADHD struggle to define our personal limits, let alone state them clearly.

In this episode, I share the lessons I learned about boundaries and why they matter for neurodiverse people. We dig into why we find it so hard to say “no,” how it leads to burnout, and the small steps that can pave the way for healthier connections. If you’ve ever found yourself drained by constant demands or unsure where you end and others begin, this one’s for you.

Why Boundaries Matter for Neurodiverse Minds

Have you ever agreed to do something, then spent the next week feeling annoyed and exhausted? That’s a sign of poor boundaries. Boundaries matter because they’re the invisible lines that protect our energy and mental wellbeing.

When we’re neurodiverse, we’re often more sensitive to what others say and think. We aim to please, so we forget we have a right to say no. This leads to resentment and self-doubt. Getting clear on your limits helps not just your own mind, but your relationships too.

As I mentioned in the podcast:

“I didn’t even realise I was allowed to draw a line or say no until I hit complete overwhelm.”

Common Struggles We Face

It may be tough to identify where you need boundaries in the first place. Many of us grew up masking our differences, so it feels odd to push back on anything.

Some challenges:

• Overcommitting to please friends or colleagues
• Feeling guilty when we do say no
• Taking on other people’s problems and emotions
• Not knowing how to articulate needs without feeling awkward

Each of these can lead to emotional distress. It can also make us question our worth, which isn’t a pleasant place to be.

How to Start Setting Boundaries

The first step is acknowledging where you’re drained. If you notice a project, conversation, or event leaves you stressed, that’s a clue a boundary is needed.

Try creating a quick mental checklist:

• Does this request make me feel excited or anxious?
• Am I taking this on just to stop someone else’s discomfort?
• Do I actually have the time or energy for this?

It’s perfectly acceptable to say, “I need to think about that” so you can check in with yourself. No one needs an instant yes or no, especially if you’re not sure. State your boundaries calmly but firmly and don’t feel you have to justify them. “I won’t be able to make it this time” is enough.

Building Confidence in Your Boundaries

Even when you know what boundaries are, you might worry about upsetting others. It might feel like people will think you’re rude or distant. But I’ve found they often respect you more when you’re honest.

If you want to ease into it, consider these small actions:

• Set one boundary at a time: Pick one area in your life where you feel the biggest drain, make a plan to protect your time or energy there.
• Use “I” statements: Focus on your feelings. For example, “I need a quiet hour after work” sets a clear tone without blaming anyone.
• Reward yourself: Every time you hold a boundary, do something nice for yourself. This creates a positive association with self-advocacy.

The more often you practise, the less scary it gets. Boundaries become a tool that helps you stay true to yourself, rather than a barrier shutting people out.

Remember, practice doesn’t make perfect but it does make progress.

• Boundaries are a way of looking after yourself, not being selfish.
• Communication can be short and clear when setting them.
• Start small and notice how you feel when you stick with your limits.

Key Takeaways

• Boundaries protect your energy and boost genuine connections.
• It’s okay to say no; it’s a complete sentence on its own.
• Clarity on your needs helps avoid guilt and burnout.
• Building confidence takes time and small steps.

Want to hear more? You’ll find the podcast player at the top of this page. Have a listen to the full episode for a deeper dive into setting healthy boundaries on your neurodiverse journey.