Object And Emotional Permanence

Ever wonder why you sometimes forget someone exists when they’re not right in front of you? Or why the feeling of warmth towards a friend fades when you haven’t chatted in a while? This is where the ideas of object permanence and emotional permanence come in. They often pop up in discussions about ADHD yet I’ve noticed many with dyslexia experience them too.

In this episode of the podcast, I explored how these concepts go beyond children losing interest in a toy they can’t see. We’re looking at adults forgetting apt reminders of friends, family, or tasks that vanish if they’re not physically present. If you’ve ever felt your mind do a vanishing act on something (or someone), you’re not alone. Have a listen at the top of the page. Below, I’ll share the highlights so you can dive into how our brains process what’s out of sight—and possibly out of mind.

Understanding Object Permanence

Object permanence is the idea that things still exist even when you can’t see them. While we often link this concept to a baby who thinks a toy is gone forever when it’s hidden, many adults with dyslexia and ADHD face a similar challenge. If our focus is drawn elsewhere, physical objects can slip into mental darkness.

I remember hearing about someone who’d misplace keys simply because they weren’t on a designated hook. That’s object permanence in action. Our brains need a visual or physical cue to keep something in mind. When that cue vanishes, we tend to move on, leaving the once-important item forgotten.

Emotional Permanence in ADHD & Dyslexia

Emotional permanence is a related concept. Think of it this way: do you feel connected to a friend or partner when they’re not in front of you? If that emotional bond weakens or fades quickly, you might be dealing with a lack of emotional permanence. This can create confusion or even guilt.

I shared a thought during the podcast that sums this up:

“It’s not that we don’t care, it’s just that our brain seems to put people on pause when they’re out of sight.”

For people with ADHD or dyslexia, emotions are linked to intensity in the moment. When someone is physically present, everything feels vivid. Once they leave, our brains might redirect that attention to the next thing, unintentionally forgetting them. It can feel harsh but it’s our wiring, not lack of care.

Signs It Might Be Affecting You

Wondering if these permanence issues are part of your life? Look for clues in your day-to-day. They can be subtle, often hidden behind busy schedules.

• You struggle to keep track of tasks that aren’t written down.
• You suddenly stop feeling excited about something when it’s not right in front of you.
• Friends or family say you forget about them if they don’t reach out.
• You have trouble returning borrowed items because you put them in a cupboard or drawer.
• You feel guilty when your affection for a friend seems to vanish if you don’t see them often.

These might be gentle nudges from your brain telling you to look closer at how focus and memory play out.

Practical Tips for Daily Life

If you notice this pattern, don’t panic. There are habits and tools that can make life easier. Here are a few ideas you might try:

• Use Visual Reminders: Place important items where you can see them. Hooks for keys near the door are a classic fix.
• Set Alarms or Calendar Alerts: This keeps tasks and social events top-of-mind. It’s like tying a string around your finger, digitally.
• Create Structured Routines: Build habits that repeat daily or weekly. Revisit your to-do list each evening or keep a short chat session scheduled with a friend.
• Talk It Out: If you’re worried a friend feels neglected, communicate. Share that your memory sometimes works differently and that you do care.
• Practice Self-Kindness: Accept that you may not operate like everyone else, and that’s OK. It’s about awareness and adaptation.

Key Takeaways

• Object permanence isn’t just for babies. Adults with dyslexia or ADHD can lose track of items, tasks, and people.
• Emotional permanence lapses can make you feel disconnected when someone’s not present.
• It’s not about caring less. It’s how some brains handle focus and memory.
• Simple systems—from sticky notes to phone reminders—often do wonders.
• Keeping an open dialogue with those you care about helps avoid big misunderstandings.
  

If any of this resonates, the full episode offers more insights on how our wiring plays a role in what we see—and what we don’t. Have a listen at the top of this page, and let me know what techniques you find most helpful. You’ve got this!