Friction & Self Sabotage

Are you ever cruising along, feeling like life is finally falling into place, yet a small voice whispers that something might go wrong? I’ve been noticing that uncomfortable twist in my stomach whenever things start going well. It’s a strange mix of excitement and worry, and in this episode of the Truth About Dyslexia, I dive into why we often feel this way and what we can do about it.

We cover why success can trigger deep-rooted beliefs, and how lingering self-doubts can lead us to second-guess all the good things happening around us. It’s easy to slip into self-sabotage, especially if you’ve got a busy or creative mind. The trick is learning to spot that creeping anxiety before it snowballs into a full-blown spiral.

The Build-Up of Tension

Picture this: everything’s running smoothly, work is manageable, relationships feel balanced, and projects are on track. That’s usually when your brain decides to throw a curveball—“What if it’s too good to be true?” We’ve all been there, right?

This build-up of tension often shows up as tiny warning bells. You might feel restless or suspicious, as though you’re waiting for something to break. Sometimes, it’s our mind’s protective mechanism kicking in. We secretly think, “If I’m ready for the crash, it won’t hurt as much.”

“I kept thinking, this can’t possibly last. That knot in my stomach started getting louder, and I knew it was time to address what was really going on.”

Why We Feel This Way

There’s a comfort zone in expecting things to go wrong. When you’ve dealt with challenges or unpredictability in the past, your brain learns to remain on guard. You end up bracing for impact even when there’s no real sign of trouble.

This is especially true if you have a mind that races or struggles to switch off. If you have dyslexia, ADHD, or any neurodiverse trait, you might relate to feeling always on. We can overthink and over-analyse many parts of life. When that nagging feeling sets in, it’s easy to create scenarios that confirm our fears.

So, we might:

• Over-interpret a colleague’s short email as criticism.
• Think a friend’s delayed reply is a sign they’re upset.
• Focus on tiny flaws in our work, ignoring all the good parts.

Recognising Self-Sabotage

When that uneasy feeling grows, it can pass a certain threshold and tip you into self-sabotage. You might think, “It’s less painful to fail on my own terms than wait for someone else to do it.” That belief can show up in small ways—missing a deadline by a couple of hours or forgetting to follow up on something important. It’s almost subconscious.

But if we don’t notice it early, we can spiral. We might start forgetting commitments or avoiding tasks we know matter. Before we know it, we’re stuck in a familiar pattern: everything was going fine, but we triggered that negative feedback loop. The cycle can be exhausting.

So how do you spot it? Stay aware of any sudden dip in motivation. Remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing. If you notice your inner voice whispering, “Maybe I’ll just quit before it falls apart,” call it out. Recognise you’re feeling uneasy because you care, not because you’re failing.

Practical Shifts

Identifying these moments is a massive step. Once you’re aware that you’re tensing up, you can do something about it. I like to ask myself a simple question: “Is this fear real or just a habit?”

You can also:

• Pause before reacting: Give yourself a moment to breathe. Quick decisions are often driven by anxiety.
• Talk it out: Sometimes we just need a trusted friend or coach to say, “Hold on, everything’s not actually on fire.”
• Challenge negative talk: Remind yourself of the facts. Things are going right for a reason—your effort, patience, or timing.
• Explore a small reward: Celebrate the positives. Don’t wait for the perfect moment to acknowledge your wins.

These shifts may seem simple, but you’ll be surprised how they calm that buzzing mind. Once you recognise you’re safe, you can enjoy the progress you’ve made.

The Heart of the Issue

Deep down, it’s rarely about fearing success itself. Often it’s about feeling unworthy or worried you’ll disappoint people who believe in you. Maybe you’ve experienced criticism and learned that it’s “safer” not to stand out. But let’s be real: when we dull our shine, we keep ourselves stuck in that loop, always waiting for disaster.

True change begins with giving yourself permission to enjoy what’s going right. That uneasy feeling will still pop up from time to time, but knowing it’s normal can soften its grip. You can acknowledge the feeling without letting it steer the ship.

Life’s going to have ups and downs. That’s part of the journey, right? But we don’t need to create our own doom and gloom to feel prepared. Confidence and caution can exist side by side if we let them.

• Recognise the tension building when things go well
• Gently question if your worry is real or just a familiar habit
• Pause, breathe, and break the cycle of self-sabotage
• Celebrate the small but important wins
• Trust yourself—your past experiences have shaped you, not defined you

If you want to hear more about how I deal with this sense of impending doom and some of the funny moments I’ve had trying to break these habits, listen to the full episode of the Truth About Dyslexia. The podcast player is at the top of this page, ready to go whenever you are. Give it a click, and let’s figure this out together.